Tom in Frankfurt

THE MEANING OF TIME FOR YOURSELF

Those of us who have had to get comfortable with the idea of working from home have either enjoyed it or realized our worst nightmare. Based on who we are, the idea of being alone can sound like a dream or fill us with horror. It gets especially complicated during the holiday season, when we often feel alternately socially overwhelmed or extremely isolated. But whether we love it or hate it, being alone is an important way to readjust our internal clocks, feelings and routines - and it's much needed if we want to close out a year that, for better or worse, may have left us feeling a bit exhausted. And sometimes time away - even if it's just an armchair trip - is the best way to reevaluate our lives and figure out what's really important to us. So how does solitude help us get back in touch with ourselves?

IT SHOWS THAT YOU VALUE YOURSELF

When you choose solitude on purpose - and not as a general lifestyle, but just for a few hours, a day, or a week - it means that you are allowing yourself what has commonly become known as "me time," the all-important component of self-care. Although some may see this as a luxury or narcissism, resist the urge to feel guilty about taking time off. Don't think of it as a selfish pursuit, but as taking time to empower yourself. When you feel empowered and appreciate what you have to offer, you are of great value to the people you love.

IT MAKES YOU MORE RESILIENT

We tend to attach a certain fear to being alone, sometimes quite irrationally. Some specialists believe that this is due to our fear of boredom, which overcame us at some point in our childhood. Boredom, in fact, is considered one of the most important feelings in our human development. It triggers feelings of dissatisfaction, restlessness, and fatigue-all negative emotions-which in turn cause our survival urges to kick into high gear. In fact, most of our best survival choices are born in a state of boredom. But instead of finding quick solutions to boredom, like binge-watching or endless scrolling, make the most of your time by thinking about what you'd most like to change about your life, writing it down, and listing solutions. You may discover a new hobby or profession in the process.

YOUR BODY CAN KEEP UP WITH YOUR MIND

Your brain is a true wonder - generating thoughts, firing neurons - all while keeping your body running so you can get through the next day. Give yourself a lot of credit! The only problem is that your brain can so easily run away from you, often leaving you feeling disconnected from the world and from yourself. When you allow your brain to rest, it triggers a physical chain reaction in your body where first your muscles relax, then your heart rate slows and your blood pressure drops. Soon, your body releases an antidote to the adrenaline coursing through your veins, and your body and mind begin to reconnect until they are perfectly aligned. And then your creativity kicks in, and you feel a surge of inspiration to change the world!

How often we need to disconnect in order to recover, find ourselves again, or reinvent ourselves is ultimately a very personal matter. There is no magic formula, and certainly not one that works equally well for everyone. What you need depends on you and your ability to interpret the signs - to know when to pull back and find time for yourself. But never underestimate the importance of taking time for yourself, and don't be afraid of a period of boredom.

A year ago, I set off on a great journey. A few days later, I was in the middle of a great adventure and experienced wonderful things. I have long since returned to everyday routine. And now? Now, a year later, I look back and answer the question: Is everything different afterwards? What I learned on my world trip.

In autumn 2019, I spent two months travelling in Sweden, the USA, Japan, Bali, Taiwan and Thailand. In the journey, I got to know myself, asked myself questions about life, and rethought many of my attitudes. I met great people, saw beautiful things and simply enjoyed my time.

All these experiences have left a sustainable mark on me. So much has changed since then, some of which I can't put into words or only want to share with my closest friends. I have developed and - once back home - made decisions. And I had to struggle with getting back to everyday life. In the months after my return, I developed many new ideas, discarded them, took them up again. I made big plans, set myself big goals - some stayed, others faded into the background after a while. So that I can always remember them, I have written down some of my experiences, insights and goals. I would like to share some of them with you.

Is everything different afterwards?

Is it that you come home looking like a different person, so to speak? Is everything really different afterwards? For me personally, I can say that I experienced many things differently, noticed things differently, rethought my attitudes and changed my goals in life. In this respect, many things are different for the person returning home than before. I have also heard this from many other travellers.

In the course of time, all that normalises. You end up back in the here and now, in everyday life, in existence. And yet I will keep some things in my heart and, if possible, base my decisions on them.

Companions make life

We all have companions. They are companions, reminders, helpers, hesitators, questioners and supporters. Some come, some go, and some stay for life. And it is precisely they who make up life.

I really became aware of this after my trip. Before, during and after the trip, my environment reacted very differently; there were people who encouraged me to take the step, who gave me the final push. There were those who thought I was crazy, who talked me into dire consequences, who scared me, who transferred their own concerns onto me. And there were those who shared their thoughts and experiences with me along the way, who helped me "discover myself" and showed me my strengths.

The different reactions influenced me a lot, especially during the time of planning the trip. I thought a lot about why some people react so negatively. Then I noticed that sometimes they were guided by fear for me, or that they were transferring their own fears onto me. With this knowledge, I was able to distance myself from their thoughts and trust myself more again.

What I have learned from all experiences is: encounters, reactions, conversations influence us in many ways. Some we forget or repress, others remain in our memory for a long time. Some hit us like a blow, others unfold their meaning only later.

No matter how we interact with our companions, no matter what they tell us: they shape us, accompany us, take us out of our comfort zone or give us a home in times of difficulty. Companions in life are incredibly important. And they make the things we experience more beautiful.

Going through life with an open mind

We are shaped by our culture, our environment, our experiences, our education and much more. Each of us lives by certain values - and everyone has their prejudices. I often become aware of this when travelling, when people surprise me. What I was allowed to experience in these situations has changed me a bit and shaped me afresh. I keep coming up against my prejudices, which are so often unfounded. And then I try to make myself aware of that.

As naïve and flat as it may sound to many, it doesn't depend on how much money someone has, what they do for a living, what kind of car they drive or what great things they've already experienced. What matters is what makes a person tick - their heart, their charisma, their attitudes, their thoughts. If we become a little more open, we can experience so many valuable things.

Facing change fearlessly

The good old comfort zone - we feel good in it, we can wrap ourselves up comfortably. That's OK if we are happy or satisfied with it. Sometimes, however, the comfort zone stands for the familiar, for stagnation, for security thinking or even fear. These things may keep us from great, new experiences.

Feel gratitude

Gratitude. A simple, often used word that sometimes hides a phrase, sometimes the whole world. Sometimes gratitude is something great, a moment of happiness that suddenly overcomes us. Other times we take things for granted, giving little thought to the good that comes our way.

Today I looked at the photos of my great journey once again in peace and quiet, and many different sensations mixed into a jumble of feelings. Joy, melancholy, happiness. And: gratitude. For the opportunity to go on this journey. For what I was able to experience on the way. For the people I was able to meet. For the little things that became something big.

It is worthwhile to always pause and notice small, beautiful moments. It can be a funny evening with friends, a small gesture of friendship, a sunset or someone smiling at you on the street.

With these words I end my journey.

If you have the chance, take a trip and enjoy the time.

Where is Home ?

Home has become a diffuse feeling in our digital world. But we need such a place to be happy.

Last year on 26 December 2019, I returned from my 2-month trip around the world. Many experiences during that time have shaped me and still today, a year later, I take a lot of strength from that trip. 

In the last weeks I often ask myself, where is the difference between home, homeland or a place to work. Is there a connection here or is it just a feeling.  Actually, home is neither a specific place, but a kind of utopia. It is rather a desire for the past, a transfiguration that is blander in reality than in the imagination. When I ask myself the question, "What is home for me?" And I would describe myself as a modern nomad, the answer is "Where my heart is." I identify home with the people I love and like. Places where I am happy. It is not connected to a place of residence.

Home also grows in our lives. Because the problems of the world, everyone knows, cannot be solved from bed. Of course it's warm and cosy there, but at some point you have to get up. And it's the same with home. If you want to enjoy the beauty of the world and develop a really deep bond with it, you have to leave your cocoon behind and experience being a stranger. Amelia Earhart, who was the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic and surely one of the freest people ever, once said, "The more you do, feel and see, the more you are able to do, and the more you will truly appreciate the most essential things like home, love and understanding friendship." Rejection comes from insecurity and insecurity comes from ignorance. The more you understand, the more you have experienced and witnessed, the less things will seem scary. The more often you leave your home, the greater it becomes.

It's good to look beyond the borders of one's own home and sometimes changing perspectives help you to understand things better. So I am glad that my home is a feeling, does not limit me and givesm  me the wide view to be surrounded by great people. 

Hence my wish for you  - don't be stubborn and close-minded - open your awareness.

I wish you peaceful holidays and all the best for 2021. 

Tom